stuff gets examined.

Trouble at the Heavenly Rest Home

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god's dotage

You said you spoke to God and asked a question
You were wonderin’ what’s the use of it all
He said everybody does what they want to
Provided that it’s true, that’s all

You said, hey Big G there’s my problem
I’m not so sure ’bout what’s true
He said I’ll let you in on my big secret, Ray
The final truth is – there is no truth, and

Na-na-na-na, bop shoo wop shoo wop
Na-na-na-na, Oh-hey-yeah
Na-na-na-na, bop shoo wop shoo wop-ac

-Boomtown Rats, “Nice and Neat”

When you forget that Christianity is the “state religion” of most many modern nations (and even more in the recent empire-building past, where many of the problems we face were first created) and therefore the default moral reference for the behaviour of anyone with the nerve to invoke it, God’s behaviour is puzzling, to say the least. His apparent willingness to put up with Schisms (Two (or more) Catholic Popes claiming their rival is a plant by the Devil), abuse of power, sexual misconduct, and obvious political expediency is amazing.  His later attitude towards human affairs is in stark contrast to the angry interventionist approach he takes in the old testament. This leads me to two possible conclusions:

1) He is nothing more than a convenient plot device based on old stories and built up and invested in by interested parties over the years, or,

2) He’s gone senile and all sorts of crap is going down while he smiles and nods  vacantly and talks about the old days.

The second possibility is way more fun to think about. God’s been around a long time, after all, and, having created everyone around himself, possibly thinks of himself as alone, which is not conducive to long-term mental health. Picture all the sleazy business people, preachers, and crazy people gaining admission to heaven by virtue of the certainty of their case, the blind devotion of their unthinking followers, and Saint Peter having given up trying to enforce anything because God just stares out the window and talks about his newest nice friend during their weekly status meetings.   Heaven would be a lot like a corrupt banana republic or kingdom ruled by a clueless leader – the creeps getting in would coax important roles out of God, then use their influence to get friends and like-minded Departed into similar positions. The angels would be like honest cops in action movies, bitter about a corrupt system they are honour-bound to protect. The rank-and-file genuinely “good” Departed would be horrified to see all sorts of people they assumed would be going to the Other Place,  strolling around decked with wings and halos – “What? How did creepy Father Jones get here after what he was found guilty of?”  Simple devout souls would themselves facing reclassification and a possible downward demotion for not going along with the whims of the leadership.

Similarly, Hell would not live up to its reputation. It would largely filled with simple true believers who were sincerely convinced of their own sin. They would be dismayed by the absence of  the hordes of individuals their faith told them also deserved an eternity of punishment.  A born-again reform movement would start in Hell, fundamentally changing the whole Heaven/Hell war thing. Since the management in Hell would find it hysterically funny and the management in heaven corrupt, eventually a horde of fallen missionaries would be permitted to descend (ascend?) on Heaven and tear apart its compromised bureaucracy with the thrilled support of the angels. Of course, in the spirit of most Earthly revolutions, after the furor of the revolution had passed, the habits and surviving members of Heaven’s Old Regime would worm their way into the confidence of the reformers, and dissent would appear.  Devoted departed and angels who threw themselves into the cause would suddenly find themselves on trial for counter-revolutionary activities and conspiracy with Hell.

Sounds like an underground comic book.


Written by balloonhed

January 18, 2011 at 2:02 pm

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